Humor and Related

(page 1)
Shared With You By
Kraig J. Rice

Staying in bed shouting, Oh God! on Sunday morning
does not constitute going to church

What is a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone.

A Fictitious Dialogue:

A man was talking with His Maker. "God," he said, "in your infinite wisdom, what is a million years?"

The reply: "In my infinite wisdom, a million years is like one minute."

The man said: "Lord of the Universe, in your infinite goodness, what is a million dollars?"

The voice from above replied: "In my infinite goodness, a million dollars is like one penny."

"Would you grant me just one penny?" the man implored.

A short silence, then the voice from above answered, "Wait just one minute."

A sign in a pet store window:
One bulldog
Will eat anything
Very fond of children

Telling It Like It Is:
A Sunday school teacher, desiring to impress on her children the desirability of saying grace before meals, asked one of them, "Billy, what is the first thing your father says when you sit down to the table?" "Go easy on using the butter, kids, it costs a fortune!" was the unexpected answer.

Playing Ball With God:
A six year old girl said she was going outside with her ball to play with God. "How do you play ball with God?" she was asked. She explained: "I throw the ball up and He throws it back."

I Do not Pray Every Day:
Some folks are like the little boy who, when asked by his pastor if he prayed every day, replied, "No, not every day. Some days I do not want anything."

It's How You Tell It:
A little boy came home from Sunday School and told his mother about Moses and the crossing of the Red Sea. "Moses got behind the enemy lines," the lad said, "and had his engineers build a bridge across the Red Sea. Then Moses' people crossed over. When he saw the Egyptian tanks were about to cross the bridge, he got on his wakie-talkie and ordered his air force to blow up the bridge. The air force blew it up and the Israelites were saved." "Are you sure that's the story the Sunday School teacher told you?" asked the mother. "No," said the boy. "But the way she told it, you would not believe it!"

For a woman to kiss a man with a beard-
she should be willing to fight her way through the brush
in order to get to the picnic

The New Minister's Work:
"What do they do when they install a minister, Dad? Do they put him in a stall and feed him?" "Oh, no, son, they hitch him to a church and expect him to pull it."

Knowing It All:
Youngsters at four and seventeen are at their mental peaks. At four they know all the questions and at seventeen they know all the answers.

Two Tablets:
The Hebrew teacher decided to let his class out early. "That's all for today," he said. "I have a bad headache." "Oh, I know about that," said little six year old Ezekiel. "Moses had a headache, too. Grandpa told me that God gave Moses TWO TABLETS.

People Are Quirky:
People are quirky. They want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the middle of the road.

The Pagan Lawyer:
A pagan lawyer had over the entrance to his private office door the words, "God is Nowhere." One day his little girl, seeing it, began in her childishness to spell the words, and finally made them read thus:
"God is Now Here."

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The Christian Counter
since March 31, 2010